welcome back?

talk to me about it later. this is just a test to see if i have what it takes again. actually. it makes all the more sense when i think about it. while i am in school i use the internets communication websites to distract me from my task at had. and now what we have all been waiting for and deserve. a great big FUCK YOU and a Holla at ya boy.

fuck the fibs.

chops.

cheers to the king!

the fucking illinois bastards. the fibs.the fibs.the fIbs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.The fiBs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.thE fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.tHe fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.tHe fibS.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibS.The fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the FiBs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.tHE fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fIBS.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.thE FIBS.The fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the FIBS.THE FIBS.The fibs.the FIBS.THE FIBS.The fibs.the FIBS.THE FIBS.The fibs.the FIBS.THE FIBS.The fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.THE fibs.the FIBS.THE FIBS.The fibs.the FIBS.THE FIBS.The fibs.the FIBS.THE FIBS.The fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs.the fibs? i didnt know if you knew.

dont go away mad girl, just go away.

oh, shit. my mind is chasing after sentences. created by words. through metal, wires, and plastic created to fit in my lap. my fingers tips are fumbling blindly. for letters, numbers, and punctuation to keep in touch with what my mind is telling my mouth mumble out. the only problem with that is that. my mouth is filled with spoonfuls of grape nuts, fresh blueberries, raspberries, and organic vanilla soymilk. my hands are obliged to play such a leading role in the satisfying of my palette but for some odd reason they can not keep their sweaty palms off of the implication of owning a fire arm. nothing so arrogant and bulky as say. a rifle or a shotgun. but something not lacking class and presence. one that will fit snug in the left breast pocket of my tweed sports coat. an instrument that grips to my closed hand as a firm handshake to instill in me a feeling of trust and power. with my index finger i will tease her smooth and warm trigger and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. just as i would of any object of my affection. but this one would be different. she would answer back to me with a calm and sincere tone. reminding me again who it is that has the upper hand. i would call her. charity. and keep her in my pocket.

ok so one day off. whatever. it is never too late for paul.

yesterday it was my birthday
i hung one more year on the line
i should be depressed
my life's a mess
but i'm having a good time

i've been loving and loving and loving
i'm exhausted from loving so well
i should go to bed
but a voice in my head
says "ah, what the hell"

have a good time
have a good time
have a good time
have a good time

paranoia strikes deep in the heartland
but i think it's all overdone
exaggerating this and exaggerating that
they don't have no fun

i don't believe what i read in the papers
they're just out to capture my dime
i ain't worrying
and i ain't scurrying;
i'm having a good time

have a good time
have a good time
have a good time
have a good time

maybe i'm laughing my way to disaster
maybe my race has been run
maybe i'm blind to the fate of mankind
but what can be done?
so god bless the goods we was given
and god bless the u. s. of a.
and god bless our standard of living
let's keep it that way
and we'll all have a good time

have a good time
have a good time
have a good time
have a good time

low love. this is low love.

there is blood on my hands.
there is fear in my eyes.
i'm in love with a man.
i'm in love and surprise.
she is whole and holy true.
there is nothing that i can do.
she is used to being used.
and she likes to use me too.
i only see her on the weekends
she only sees me when she please.
she will take me to the bedroom.
she will keep me on my knees.
oh how she loves her boys.
oh how they love her ways.
she treats them all like toys.
in the morning they're all grey.
but i am the one.
she has chosen for fun.
and i only see her on the weekends.
she only sees me when she please.
she will take me to the bedroom.
she will keep me on my knees.

e.w.

born in fire.

my love. she dont lie to me. she brings gifts and water.
my love. is a horrible thing. when i know shes someones daughter.
i was born in fire.
god is a begging man. barking words. that i dont understand.
home is a selfish place. and i live in a barren land.
i was born with this desire. to burn the whole world down.
time has come for me to fight this world.
time has come to decend.
time has come for me to kill you all.
time has come to end.
the shadows they just shake my hand. bringing gifts and fire.
the devil he just smiles and says, "dont you know i gave desire."
time has come for me to fight this world.
time has come to decend.
time has come to leave you dead.
time has come to end.

e.w.

at the break of day. im ending all of it.

i know the suns about to come up.
i close my eyes anyway.
my mouth is dry and the sheets are cold.
and will be still come break of day.
you called me up just to surprise me.
to hear my voice, see what i had to say.
i only whispered then hung up.
i whispered,"wait till break of day."
at the break of day im ending all of it.
and so dont say youve had a ball.
dawn is mine but i will share it.
with whatever bird will wear it.
on her body bare and pink.
now what do you think of break of day?

i locked my door, i should unlock it.
what if you should come this way?
and in and have a drink and dancing.
dancing till the break of day.
and then to bed we danced towards.
and tiredly kiss and roll in hay.
but waking in the evening i see.
you left after break of day.
at the break of day im ending all of it.
and so dont say youve had a ball.
dawn is mine but i will share it.
with whatever bird will wear it.
on her body bare and pink.
now what do you think of break of day?

at the break of day im ending all of it.
and so dont say youve had a ball.
dawn is mine but i will share it.
with whatever bird will wear it.
on her body bare and pink.
now what do you think of break of day?

i hate myself when im alone
its just with you i feel ok
so tomorrow youll feel sorrow
when i am gone at break of day

-b.p.b.-

leaves.

though he was not tired. he found himself sleeping through the day. going to his room to read turned into taking a nap. fifteen minute naps became an hour, became two, became waking up the next morning forgetting what time he went to bed. there was no logical explination to this he would tell himself. first his friends, then his family, became concerned. "i must have trouble sleeping" he elucidated when he drifted off in the middle of conversation. at home he began to pace the steps of his kitchen, became his basement, became the cracks and crevices he had never noticed before. and rebuked himself for not noticing, before. he sat outside in a hood and shorts, sitting and smoking unfiltered cigarettes. coughing, he watched the leaves bleeding their green hues to yellow, became red, until they they loosened their grip and descended into the confusion and indistinguishability that is the hard black earth. he would return inside and curse the cold into his clasped palms. he slept through breakfast. at lunch time he smoked cigarettes and convinced himself that he was busy doing something. at dinner time he would forget about dinner and go to sleep because he was tired from working so hard all day. he would wake up in the night. microwaved or cold he would eat anything. his body was weak, his lungs were black, his skin was worn and seemed to be slipping off of his bones and tendons. his throat was dry and it hurt him to urinate. his friends stopped calling. he forget to pay his phone bill. no one called. his family stopped by. one at a time they cried driving home. he stopped turning on the lights in his room, became his hall, became his house. he lit candles. he read by candle light. he began to write. about how he felt, became about what he knew, became about a man that was not tired. but found himself sleeping through the day.

your. all i ever wanted but i am terrified of you.

i did my best to avoid this. to convince myself that everything i write is complete shit. and everything you read is out of sympathy. why should you care that much. who am i fooling? and oh. my foolish heart. oh my foolish heart. had to come back on my knees. crawling over dirt and flame extingushed by soles covered in shit and guilt. so here i am. what do i have to say so urgently? nothing. absolutely nothing. so what. fall is here. this means that school is up and dragging to and fro. early mornings. late nights and no drugs. well no money for them at least. that can possibly make up for my precious five minutes of rem sleep. to be honest. the lack of sleep is not because of my complete dedication to my school work. nor is it anything to do with me being anything like a productive person. no. i just cant sleep. shit. i am going to have a cigarette. it is raining outside. i want a roof over my head. i bought a new pack of cigarettes. twenty class a cigarettes. one hundred forty minutes off of my existence. twenty individualy wrapped tubes of "over 4,000 chemicals. among these chemicals are acetone (nail polish remover), acetic acid (vinegar), aluminum, ammonia (toilet cleaner), arsenic (poison), butane (cigarette lighter fluid), carbon monoxide (car exhaust fumes), copper, formaldehyde (preserves dead bodies), hydrogen cyanide (gas chamber poison), lead, mercury, napthalene (mothballs), and tar (streets). in alphabetical of course.